


The Things We Said When We Were Scared

by sssweetdisposition



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I never tag because I guess it's never really necessary, I'd never not write a happy ending, but there might be some slight, pffft come on, very very very little though, you'll be good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 13:22:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11533101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sssweetdisposition/pseuds/sssweetdisposition
Summary: Lightly based off a "things you said when you were scared" prompt.Clarke sits by Lexa's side in the hospital room as she waits for her to wake. She should have told Lexa sooner.(Obv she gets to).





	The Things We Said When We Were Scared

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Clexa Appreciation Week to all you bisexual space babes and hella gay badass commanders. To those who won't forget.

It’s been two days and Lexa has yet to wake. Despite the room being large and there being a vacant bed beside the brunette’s own, it does nothing to make Clarke feel as though the cold, pale walls aren’t suffocating. The steady hum of the machine and the constant beep of vitals are the only things aside from the warmth of Lexa’s skin that are grounding her and giving some semblance of hope. The doctors haven’t told her much except that when she wakes she may be disoriented and confused and that Clarke just needs to be patient. Her mother has told her that the knife did a lot of damage. Its marks were deep and the hemorrhaging was to the point of hypovolemia, but despite her still being out from shock, she fought her way through the almost four-hour surgery. She was brave. She always is.

Two days has found Clarke situated in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to Lexa’s bed, carefully avoiding the tubes and lines of fluids running every which way around the body in front of her. Her hand only leaving Lexa’s to be calmed by the pulse of her wrist and the softness of her chestnut hair. She hasn’t slept much, and the times her eyes managed to close it was only for broken sleep, waking with a startle and remembering again where she was.

They caught the guy who mugged her shortly after the ambulance picked her up. “It could have happened to anyone” they had told her. But it hadn’t. It happened to Lexa. It happened to the girl who was fresh-faced and newly graduated from her law program. It happened to the girl that she’s known since being eight and needing help reaching for the monkey bars. It happened to someone who’s been there for Clarke with no questions asked whenever she needed her shoulder or those strong, warm arms. It happened to her best friend. To her best friend that makes her live out the fairytale loss of breath, the stutter of the heart, the swoop of the stomach. It happened to _Lexa_ , and the girl laying in the bed has no idea how much she means to Clarke.

* * *

 

She spent an hour pacing the room, berating herself for not telling her sooner. Worrying herself for not listening to Raven and Octavia all those times they pressed and pressed and insisted for her to do something other than only dream.

When her quiet night at home had been interrupted by the ring of her phone and her mother on the other line calling from the hospital, panic set in and she found herself sprinting towards the ER, barely remembering to slip on her shoes before leaving her apartment. The tears didn’t come until she found Lexa’s sister standing outside the door of her room, nearly throwing herself at the other woman and clutching at her jacket with tightly closed fists.

_“I never told her, Anya. She doesn’t know. What if I don’t get to tell her? Why did it have to be her?”_

When she was told she could go in to see her she wiped the tears with the back of her sleeve and hurried inside. If there was one thing she wishes she would never have to see again, the view in front of her would be it. The girl on the bed was pale, her eyes rimmed a blueish purple. She looked helpless. She looked like everything Lexa would hate to see herself as.

_“Please wake up, Lex. Please. You can’t – you can’t leave me yet. We’re supposed to have so much more time. I’m such an idiot, Lex. I need to tell you so much. There are so many things I haven’t gotten to say to you yet. Please, Lexa. I’m scared.”_

* * *

 

It’s the middle of the night, closing in on day number three when it happens. Clarke remains seated in the light blue chair, arms rested on an area of the bed right beside Lexa’s leg, head turned to face the brunette, lightly at ease on the girl’s covered thigh.

“Do you remember that time we went camping with our friends and we got lost in the forest? The only reason no one else followed us was because they thought I was finally going to tell you. And I was. I swear I was.”

There’s a sudden moment when Clarke swears she feels the twitch of Lexa’s hand against her arm, so she pauses.

Waits.

And waits.

Then continues when she chalks it up to her mind going mad and stir crazy.

“Anyways, we got turned around and you noticed we passed the same rock for like, the fourth time and then at that point it kind of just became trying to get back to our campsite instead of trying to woo you. I know, I know. Romantic, right? Get a girl lost with you, nearly become Bear Grylls, and she’s bound to be yours in no time”.

The second time it happens it’s more prominent and she’s sure that this time she’s not imagining it. She stills and eyes Lexa’s fingers, waiting for the slightest shift, and when it happens again for the third time she just about bursts into tears seeing it. Her gaze rises to her face where eyelids slowly flutter until taking their time to part and it’s then that Clarke fails to choke back a sob and the tears fall. Her hand flies to the ‘call’ button on the wall and she smashes the button with such a force that she’s surprised doesn’t initially hurt her.

The next few minutes feel like more long, tedious hours. The nurses have asked that Clarke momentarily leave the room while they check her vitals and fill her in on what has happened. In her hazed mind, she’s managed to text Anya to let her know her sister has finally woken up and when the nurses allow her back into the room, she pockets her phone without waiting to see if there’s a reply.

Rather than being in a lying position, the bed is adjusted so that Lexa is almost sitting up. There’s a cup of fresh, cold water now on the little bedside table. As she steps through the doorframe her eyes meet Lexa’s and Clarke feels like she can finally breathe out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

“Clarke”. Her voice is scratchy from not being used and hearing her name from Lexa is all it takes for her to move her unsteady legs into the room and towards the side of the bed.

“Please don’t ever do that again” she says, failing to hide the hitch in her tone.

She’s looking up at Clarke and visibly seems to calm when she takes her hand into her own.

“I’m sorry”.

“How’s your stomach?”

“Hurts like a bitch”.

“You scared me”. Her eyes begin to water once again but she refuses to let any more tears fall. She clears her throat and starts again. “Remember when we played house that one time at recess and you punched Finn Collins in the face because he tried to kiss me even though I was your wife?” she chuckles.

It brings a smile on Lexa’s face and she briefly closes her eyes as if thinking back on the memory. “I’d do it again”.

“You’ve always been special, Lex”.

“The nurses told me that the paramedics said I was asking for you”. She swallows harshly and Clarke turns to grab the cup of water, bringing the straw towards her lips and allowing her to sip before placing it back on the table once she’s done. “They said I was telling them they couldn’t let me die without telling you something really important but then I passed out”.

“Oh no, no way. You’re not beating me to this. I’ve been holding this in for so damn long and I’m not going to let you have this one”.

“As someone who almost died, I think I should have this”.

“You’re as stubborn as you always have been, Woods” Clarke jokes, shaking her head. She feels as if time has finally continued. Feels like life is finally back on track again. Her free hand carefully moves to gently rest on Lexa’s cheek, thumb placed rightly so in order to sweep across the plain of her cheekbone. “There isn’t a single moment that I haven’t been hopelessly in love with you, Lex. I didn’t understand it when we were kids and I always wanted to be around you. I didn’t act on it through high school when I was figuring out why I never liked half of your soccer team. I hadn’t said anything for the past few years because I’ve been so afraid of ruining what we both already have. But two days ago, my heart literally felt like it was going to explode out of my chest and I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t live my life without you knowing that I’m all in if you’ll have me. I love you, Lexa. Every part of you.”

The stray tear that Lexa lets drop is swiped away by the pad of Clarke’s thumb. As she looks at her green eyes the only thing she can think of is how beautiful this girl is. She’s always been beautiful, and Clarke can’t believe this is what it’s taken for all of this to finally come out.

“Clarke Griffin, if you don’t think I’ve been in love since helping that blonde pigtailed girl reach the monkey bars then I’ve incredibly overestimated that big, beautiful brain of yours”.

“You laughed when I fell literally a second after”.

“Shh, I’m trying to tell you that there’s never been anyone else. It doesn’t matter who we’ve dated, nor does it matter that it’s taken all these years of friendship. It’s all been something great that’s led up to now. It’s always been my love for you only growing and growing over time. I’ve loved you in many different capacities and in many different ways, but at no point have I ever not been in love with you. I am so undoubtedly in love. I have been for a while. You just standing here right now makes me feel like I can conquer the world. I love you. I love who you are. I love the kind of person I am when I’m with you. Please just help me out here and freaking kiss me so I can stop babbling. I’d do it but I’m pretty certain I’d hurt myself if I try to move”.

She laughs and it’s like nothing Clarke has heard before. It’s like watching the sun come up and gazing at the rest of the world as everything wakes. It’s quiet at first until the bustling begins and the new day brings new opportunities.

When she brings her lips down to Lexa’s own neither one of them can erase the smile from their faces. She kisses her.

And kisses her.

And kisses her.

She kisses the brunette until their lips are both overly warm and swollen. And when they part, she rests their foreheads together and breathes in deeply, eyes remaining closed, both hands on either side of Lexa’s face.

“I don’t want to know what life is like without you”.

“Then let’s keep living”.


End file.
